date

21 signs she’s not the one

1. She wears kitten heels

2. She knows every club bouncer in London by name

3. All her friends are male

4. She flirts outrageously with your friends and family

5. She interrupts MOTD for non-emergencies

6. She eats peanuts even though she knows you are allergic

7. She is unrecognisable without make up

8. She can contour her face but can’t season chicken

9. You’re not the first one in your friendship group or family that she’s been interested in

10.  She has no ambition

11. One of her main goals in life is to have perfect winged eyeliner

12. Every person she comes into contact with knows the intimate details of your relationship, including that text you sent her last night at 11.59pm

13. Her Instagram feed is 90% selfies

14. She doesn’t drive but won’t come out of her house unless you pick her up at the front door

15. She snapchats during dates

16. She refers to herself as a ‘bad b*tch’

17. She orders foie gras, lobster, chocolate soufflé and champagne, but ‘forgets’ her purse at home

18. She crops you out of her Instagram pictures

19. She captions any photos that you do manage to get into with her “chilling with the homie”

20. You are saved in her phone as ‘cabman’

21. You can’t tell the difference between her pyjamas and what she wears to the club

*written in response to ‘21 signs he’s not the one‘ with ideas by Rhys Waul

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